My Vision

Last night I attended an experiential group and was introduced to this little exercise that I want to share with you the results.

But first let me explain what experiential therapy is. Experiential therapy is the concept of how I came up with the name No Couch Needed. When you are working with an experiential therapist like myself and many others you will find that you are spending less time on the couch talking and more time moving around in your session either physically, mentally, and/or spiritually. Experiential is about movement so that you can re-experience and reenact your emotional experiences, uncover hidden or unresolved issues all by using activities such as role play, empty chair, guided imagery, use of props, music, art,  and other active experiences. So as you can see No Couch is Needed in most cases.

No on to the exercise.

I give myself permission to trust the process.

In 2018 I see myself growing into my role as a wife, mother, therapist, and business owner. I see myself starting new habits and letting old ones go such as doubt, inconsistency and obsessive worry. I see myself trusting myself more to be authentic, to be me, and to trust that where I am going is my journey and not me imitating the journey of someone els.e’s journey. Authentic. Imperfect. Me!

In the work, being a part of the therapist training group, I’m learning to be confident and move past my imposter syndrome, to belive in my passion and not the position. It rings me joy to take what I’ve learned and apply to practice. It brings me joy to be with others who are learning just like me and not shaming or judging but loving

I am done with comparing myself, doubting myself and I’m learning to make all my roles my own.

I want to vacation with my family in a cabin, in the woods, in the Fall, sitting by a burning fire enjoying nature and laughter. TOGETHER!!!

I live inside my mind, my soul, my spirit. I live in a house away from others surrounded by nature.

I need to be reminded that…it is ok to be you, ok to not be perfect, ok to grow, ok to trust your instinct, ok to be scared, but most importantly know that you are good enough!

My vision for me for 2018.

What’s your vision for you for 2018?

Want to know the prompts to create your own vision?

Interested in experiential therapy?

Contact me at tahiyyamartin@gmail.com.

 

Tahiyya

xo

http://www.tahiyyamartin.com

 

 

The black woman and depression: It’s not always sadness

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Growing up in the black community crying was not an option. Many families did not know how to embrace emotions because for generations we were not allowed to show emotions. For hundreds of years emotions were a sign of weakness (crying) or short lived (happiness). Over time the one emotion that we were good at showing was anger. Anger showed on our faces even if we were not aware of it. Anger seeped in our conversations even when we tried to be friendly. Anger even showed up in our work as we used it for energy to be productive in the fields. Anger was the go to anger for protection against all the sadness and pain we were feeling in our generational past and even today.

So let’s fast forward to today. In my own personal experience I remember saying “I don’t have time to cry”. That was my go to saying when I was feeling sad, hurt, embarassed, frustrated, or even happy. Crying took time. Crying meant that my sadness was real. So I would quickly resort to being withdrawn and always irritable (another form of anger). I see this a lot not just in clients but also in family, friends, media, characters on television, and on social media posts. Again anger was a way to be protetive of yourself against the vulnerability that came with being sad. However behind that anger was a deeper rooted issue. Depression.

Depression does not always show up as not wanting to get out of bed. It is not always crying for hours or days. It is not always feeling blue. It is not always skipping out on family and friends or things that you love to do. It is not always feeling and admitiing to feeling suicidal (that’s another upcoming post). In the black community depression can show up in those above mention ways but it also shows up as anger. It shows up in spending time with family and friends and feeding your pain with drama to make you more irritable. It shows up as the attitude. It shows up at the dinner table as  we take in more food than we normally would on a good day. It shows up as pretending to have it together. It shows up as emotional suicide as we cope with the red wine every night. It shows up as smoking a blunt or doing a line or two in order to make it through your day. It shows up in yelling  at our kids for simple things. It shows up as being withdrawn from our kids or other love ones. It shows up as the mask that we wear and call it being independent; strong or “that bitch”.

I like to tell people that no matter how we internalize our thoughts and feelings it will show up. Crying makes it obvious and with the stigma behind tears in the black community we dare not cry; not even over spilled milk.  We better get angry! 

We better get help. There are different ways to getting help for your depression instead of getting or feeling angry.

First seek professional help to assess for depression or depressed mood. Talk about what you’re feeling and thinking and how it has affected your day to day living. Sometimes this may include getting a formal diagnosis and medication if the medical professional recommends it (I’m not a doctor so I can’t talk much on medicaiton).

Second find a therapist that specializes in working with depression disorders. There are different types of therapy that can help such as talk therapy, DBT therapy, CBT therapy, and experiential therapy (these are the modalities I use). Your therapist will assist you in developing a course of treatment to help address the underlying issues and develop skills to cope in a healthier manner.

Third utilize your support system. In the black community we also have the stigma surrounding going to therapy and keeping our flaws to ourselves. Let’s end that stigma. It’s time to  connect to those love ones that will be there to help you get through your tough times; make you laugh, and hold you accountable for your treatment. Healthy relationships and connections can lead to healthier recovery.

Fourth develop a routine of getting outside and getting some exercise. This can be something as simple as walking for 30 minutes a day. Exercise helps with the whole body; mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Fifth and lastly know that you are not alone. It is okay to not be okay but what’s most important is that you acknowledge what you are feeling and seek the appropriate care.

Ladies we don’t always have to be strong and independent. It is okay to take care of ourselves and get our mental health in check. Sending lots of love and hugs xoxo

 

Tahiyya xo

 

If you or someone you know is depressed and feeling suicidal please get help and call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Other resources

Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting: Terrie M. Williams …

Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America: Charisse …

If you live in the Matthews and Concord area and need a therapist please contact me at www.tahiyyamartin.com/contact

 

 

The depths of a 6 letter word

TRAUMA. These six letters create a word that is harsh on an individual’s wellbeing. It is the puppet master of ones emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It is sometimes the grim reaper of lives. TRAUMA. 

Yesterday while flipping through channels I came across Spike Tv The Kalief Browder Story. I felt a moment of relief because I thought I had missed it. Yet soon after I felt an overwhelmed sense of sadness as I began to remember his story (google Kalief Browder). The sadness came for two reasons. First I see my sons in this young man. Young men and boys (21, 13, 10) who could easily become victims of th judicial system. Second a young man who has faced traumatic experiences took his own life. 

I want to discuss the second as it relates to my profession (the first I’ve posted many times on my social media page). Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. Being in a jail as a teen with adults for a crime one didn’t commit is a very deeply disturbing and distressing experience. But his trauma didn’t began there. It began when he enetered the world. 

Trauma isn’t just about experiences that we witness or are a part of such as sexual and physical abuse. Trauma is also created from chaotic environments, inconsistent and poor parenting practices, and inconsistencies in the family and its resources such as finances, emotional, housing, coping skills, etc. (wanna know more about trauma, email me and let’s talk). 

So let’s imagine being 16 years old experiencing what Kalief did in Rikers and then get released three years later to the same environment he was born into and without adequate coping skills

How would you feel? What would be your thoughts? How would you behave?

Symptoms of trauma ranges from anxiety, depression, anger, distrust, hypervigilence, dissociation, nightmares…to name a few. 

The Kalief Browder story leaves behind the need to provide awareness on trauma and mental health especially in the black community. We have to stop being afraid of getting help. Stop being afraid of talking about our mental health. Stop being afraid of not being ok all the time. What’s the big secret and what’s the secret costing you…life. 

GET ACCESS TO:

You can’t spot someone whose suffering from trauma or mental illness. It has no set look. It can be your friend, family member, coworker, partner, neighbor or stranger sitting next to you on the bus OR you. 

If you or someone you know is suicidal please get help by calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 

Tahiyya 

If you live in the Matthews, NC area and is in need of a therapist please call or email me to schedule an appointment 

910-434-5325

Tahiyyamartin@gmail.com